


All I Want

by Indigo_Penstrokes



Category: Newsies - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Past Character Death, Song based fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 19:44:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13441983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indigo_Penstrokes/pseuds/Indigo_Penstrokes
Summary: Spot and Race had been in love. Then everything changed.





	All I Want

**Author's Note:**

> The song throughout this is All I Want by Kodaline.  
> I cried the entire time I wrote this, so I'm sorry in advance.  
> Enjoy?

_All I want is nothing more_  
_To hear you knocking at my door_  
_'Cause if I could see your face once more_  
_I could die as a happy man I'm sure_

Spot flips through pictures on his phone. The emptiness is eating him alive as he looks at every picture of him and Race. Smiling, happy, living. Race is always smiling, his blue eyes shining even on the small screen. He would give anything to see that smile one last time. He would burn the world down.  
Spot throws the phone across the room, so empty without Race, tears running down his face. Thankfully it doesn't crack as much as Spot is inside.  
He just wants Race back.

 _When you said your last goodbye_  
_I died a little bit inside_  
_I lay in tears in bed all night_  
_Alone without you by my side_

Spot holds the letter in his hand, reading the words that stopped his world. The writing is smudged from his and Races tears. The paper is wrinkled from where he's handled it so much in the past days. 

_Dear Sean,_ it reads. _I love you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't give you the world. I'm sorry I can't be there when you read this. But I guess that would defeat the purpose of this, huh? I'm sorry for when you realize why I'm not here. I'm just sorry. But I just can't._ The note goes on, but Spot's read it so many times and so often the words are blurred beyond reading. It ends with a simple goodbye. _Goodbye Sean, I love you so much, Tony._  
Spot breaks down, the letter clutched to his chest. If he had only woken up earlier that day. If he had only protested more when Race had gotten out of bed. If only he had done more. If only. 

_But If you loved me_  
_Why did you leave me?_

Spot feels empty. It still feels like any minute Race is going to barge in through the door laughing at how Spot fell for another one of his pranks and Spot would punch him and kiss him and yell about how he had him worried to death. And everything would be back to how it was, happy and so so alive. But it's not. And Race is gone.

 _Take my body_  
_Take my body_  
_All I want is_  
_All I need is_  
_To find somebody_  
_I'll find somebody_

Spot hasn't left the apartment in weeks, not since the funeral. He hasn't left their room in days. He hasn't showered and he's barely eaten anything, it all tastes like dust. He misses Race's home cooked meals and how Race would dance around the kitchen when he didn't think Spot was looking. He's not going to move, not even when someone is pounding on their, no, his now, door. Eventually they stop, but the door opens and Albert comes in. He's in a better state than Spot, but not by much. His eyes are red and his clothes are a mess, it's obvious he's lost his best friend. He's lost as much as Spot has.

“Spot.” Albert's voice is so so broken. 

Spot doesn't say anything but Albert comes over anyway and hugs Spot like he's going to be gone too. Spot clings onto Albert like he's a rock in the storm that is Spot's life. They sit like that, on Race's bed, crying and holding each other, wishing and hoping that tomorrow will be better. Hoping it's all a dream.

 _Ooh oh_  
_Ooh oh_  
_Ooh oh_  
_Ooh oh_

Spot sits on the fire escape, a cigarette between his lips. He quit a while ago. He watches the sun set over the city skyline. He misses the person who should be sitting next to him. Who should be taking the cigarette out of his mouth and throwing it to the streets below. Who should be giving him a kiss as something else to be addicted to. Who should be making a joke about how Spot is a sap for finding sunsets romantic and beautiful. Who should be so many things other than gone. Someone who should but isn't.

 _Cause you brought out the best of me_  
_A part of me I'd never seen_  
_You took my soul wiped it clean_  
_Our love was made for movie screens_

Spot remembers. He remembers meeting Race, the energetic drama kid with a penchant for stealing into the hearts of those with walls too high to scale. His world changed then and it would never change back. He learned over the years that love wasn't something to fear, that even he deserved happiness, that he could find that happiness in Race. He remembers Race’s smile after their first kiss, small and bright and happy. He remembers promising Race that he would never leave, that Race wouldn't have to live in a world without him. Their love was something infallible, something permanent, something they would have for the rest of their lives. Something it can't be now.

 _But If you loved me_  
_Why did you leave me?_

Spot knows he needs to leave the apartment, but he can't. The memories in the place are suffocating him. He grabs his coat and keys, slamming the door behind him before he can decide against it.

Spot stands on the bridge, the wind blowing through his hair and for a second he imagines that it's not the wind and that it's Race running his fingers through it. A tear rolls down his cheek as he looks out over the blue grey water, he can almost feel the letter burning a hole through the pocket of his jacket. He cries into the river that took away his world, his happiness, his Race. The real world still goes on behind him.

 _Take my body_  
_Take my body_  
_All I want is_  
_All I need is_  
_To find somebody_  
_I'll find somebody_

Spot is on the couch today, the tv playing mindlessly in the background of his thoughts. He tries to think back to the last time he was here, it was their weekly movie night. They had watched 10 things I hate about you. Spot gets lost in his head, again. He doesn't hear the door creak open or the footsteps walking in. He only realizes when something is placed on his chest. Something that is very much alive.

“We know the last month has been rough and we've all done some research and it says that a pet is a good way to ease grief,” Jack says, standing above him. 

Spot looks at his chest, staring into the brown eyes of a happy looking puppy. He feels a ghost of a smile as it starts to lick his face. 

“She's a Doberman, she doesn't have a name yet. We thought we'd save that for you.” It's Katherine this time. 

Spot sits up, the puppy now in his lap. He sees that all of his friends are there, and he means all of them. Jack, David, Katherine and Sarah are closest to the couch. Elmer, who has an arm around a quietly crying Albert, is by the hall to the kitchen, along with Buttons and Jojo. He hears commotion coming from the kitchen which means that Crutchie is probably trying to make something while Finch is being more hindrance than help. He can only assume that the rest of them are elsewhere through the apartment. 

Spot start to cry. “Delilah. Her name's Delilah.” Named after one of Race's favorite songs. 

She jumps up and licks his face again. Spot laughs. The room goes quiet, before Albert lets out a small laugh as well. Then, little by little, laughter fills the once empty apartment. Jojo starts cooing over how sweet Delilah is and Crutchie comes out from the kitchen announcing that food is ready and he made pancakes. 

And in that single moment Spot realizes that this isn't the end of everything. Simply the start of something different.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing something like this, so tell me what you thought. Feedback will make my day!
> 
> I'm on Tumblr @ad-astra-de-luna so come drop by with an ask or anything really.


End file.
